[chuchutrain]: 63.Junk.Problems

[This is not done...and nor will it be finished. I left it like this for a reason! I didn't want to continue writing it.]

The girl stared out the window, darkness caressing her back and body as her face was illuminated by the seemingly far off lights that also illuminated the street. She stared out the window as water cascaded down it, rain gently rapping on the window, bringing a calm, soothing feeling to her whole being. Nothing moved around her, as if everything stopped for her and her only. She brought up her wrist and looked at it, a clean slate. It was as if it was calling to her, calling her to do the things she had been able to stop for a few years now. It all came back to her, the feeling of watching her own crimson liquid drip from her wrists. She didn't know what to think at the moment, to be angry, or to be happy. It confused her, confused her so much that it had brought her back to those dark times in her past as she thought about two years ago. She never wanted to go through it again, but at the moment...it seemed like a pretty good idea. Would anyone miss me? Her mind ran similar questions, questions that had been answered, but the answers were long forgotten, along side of her feelings and...her. She closed her eyes just sitting there listening to the rain hit the windows. She didn't know why she wanted to, all she knew was that she did. She hated it.


If anyone asked her what happened that night, she wouldn't be able to tell them, for the next thing she knew was that she was in her bathroom, the door locked as she stood there staring at her reflection in the mirror. Amazingly calm, yet held a pang of sadness. It was almost as if some force had brought her there. The next thing she wouldn't be able to recall as it was as if her body began to think on it's own, and work on it's own. The next thing she knew was she was standing there, razor on the counter with a slight crimson tint on it, her arm extended over the sink and small beads of crimson blood dripping from the newly formed cut on her wrist. She just watched the blood drip, imagining that for every drop that left her body, one more problem was leaving. Then, just as fast as she had done it, reality of what she just did hit her like a speeding semi truck on a freeway. She hated herself as she fell to the ground clutching at her bleeding wound and crying. What had she done? She knew exactly what she had done, in a futile attempt to get away from reality she had gained another problem, and she still had to deel with her other ones. She cried, cried for her own stupidity, and her problems. She hadn't cried in awhile, so it was a relief when she did. It was almost like her body entered a calm as the bleeding began to slow and soon stopped all together. She stood and looked at the cut as her tears began to flow freely again.



© Stephanie Chu, 2005