[Tyr Zalo Hawk]: 712.Random.ProjectEmo.Project1

In order to prove the Emo population wrong, I have conducted scientific research to prove that some of us DO understand them. The proof, is as follows...

Ahemhemhummharummbagabagabagagaaaaaaahem...

Hallo. My name is Dr. Felanore Von Tyr. To those of you who don't know me, keep reading. To those of you who do know me, judge whether or not your life will still be worth living after reading this, then make a decision from there.

Anywho. Today we are on the subject of the beings known as 'Emos.' Now I think, in all fairness, we introduce you to a basic list of terms first before we go any further on the subject.

Project Emo unproudly presents:
A List of Basic Terms

Emo: Pronounced 'Ee-mo.' A.K.A. 'Emotionals.' They have long, black hair that normally covers one eye, listen to loud music, claim the world does not understand and have been known to self mutilate. Overall, not the friendliest of people. People not cool enough to be goths.
Goth: Pronounced 'Gawth.' A lame version of the species known as humans who believe that 'life is pain' and that the 'conformists' are all trying to subjugate them. Goths cut their wrists, they wear black all the time, they often smoke, many worship satan, many kill themselves and even the guys wear way too much makeup.
Wemo: Pronounced 'wee-mo,' it is the term for someone not even cool enough to be considered Emo. This level of lame had been previously thought to be unreachable.
Scremo: Pronounced 'Scream-o.' An Emo who tends to scream a lot while singing, or just scream a lot period. It is also a form of music that emo's love.
Emosexual: You should know how to pronounce this. An emo who only looks/acts emo to pick up girls. A person who likes emos.
Minemo: Pronounced 'Miny-mo'. A.K.A. 'Tinemo' (tiny-mo). A young or adolescent emo, emo in training or the child of an emo.
Cutting: What emos are prone to doing. Mainly a source of crying out for attention, no matter what they say. Goths cut to kill themselves.
Anti-Conformism: The religion of goths and emos. Believes that society is only trying to oppress them, and that people will never understand... they attempt to rebel against them by wearing black, writing bad poetry and overall annoying those of us with brains. Unfortunately, what many emos have yet to realize is that by saying they are anti-conformist, they are only conforming to that style of life.
Bad Poetry: What emos and goths write.
Angst: Pronounced 'Ang-st.' Quite possibly the emos only real emotion.
Sasuke: Pronounced 'Sauce-k.' Prince of the emos.
Vincent Valentine: King of the emos. Also the ONLY badass emo to have ever existed.
Vampires: The gods for emos/goths. Most emos/goths will either worship them, pretend to be them or actually believe they are vampires and attempt to make you believe it too.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming

Having said all that, what more could you need to know, right? Wrong. One must understand something more.
You see, emos are lame. They are lame for the worst reasons possible and yet for some reason... they are multiplying! I know... I know. A scary thought indeed. Most importantly though, we need to address the reasons why, and the possible solutions.

Project Emo unproudly presents:
A list of reasons and possible solutions for the emo population

The Reasons:
Baffling as it must be to think that there are more emos out there than there used to be, we must consider certain things.
1. Obviously, the emo generation is new. We are not sure what layer of Hell they spawned from, but it can be assumed to be one of the lamest levels there.
2. Since the generation is relatively new, we can only assume they are not having children and creating more emos that way. It is also not that likely that goths have children either, because normally they would offer the child as a sacrifice to Satan anyways.
3. Emo is not necessarily inherent in DNA. After all, it is relatively new.

The Source of the Problem:
Now this all can only mean so much. So, in the spirit of that, here are the theories.
1. 'Emo' is a new mutation in the human genome that has just risen to the surface. It affects the mental state of the people with said mutation, causing them to be rather stupid.
2. 'Emo' is a disease. A bacteria or virus that's spread by some unknown method and affects the young more than the old.
3. The young people are just getting worse in reaction to the climate changes. This could very well be possible since it has been seen that environment affects peoples behavior. However we're still not sure if it's just the heat, or something else that we have yet to notice.

Having said that, I suppose you're just dying to know what we plan to do about this. After all, this problem cannot be left unchecked, less it worsen to a point where the world collapses due to the addition of so much lame into the air.

Potential Solutions:
After countless hours of discussion and debate, my colleagues and I have decided on this list of potential solutions.
1. A mass genocide to wipe out the emo people, once and for all. For safety measures, the goths must go too.
2. Develop a cure for the emo virus. One is in the works, it's now mostly just a matter of finding out more about the virus itself so the cure can work more efficiently.
3. Declare 'emo' as illegal. All violators will be forced to watch 50 straight hours of My Little Pony, The Care Bears and The Teletubbies while being hugged by large women who smell an awful lot like cats. We rather like this idea.
4. Force them out. Everyone with the brain power to not find potential suicide 'cool' will gather and force the emos to either shape up, or learn what it's really like to be seperate from the group.
5. Ignore them. Everyone not already affected will simply tell the emos to go complain to some who cares. Since emos don't care about themselves, much less their own people, this will cause a paradox which should, hopefully, correct the mistake they had made by annoying us.
6. Call up Satan, tell him to take them back. Pretty self explanitory.

We now, once again, return you to your regularly scheduled programming

And, well, there you have it. Now, with this knowledge you better understand both the emo... and the problem surrounding it. The question is, do you have the balls to do something about it?

Allrighty then... bring it on...